(When Elmo came out of the house, he was joined by three women who were the size of Gilbert Grape’s mom. They were speaking in a foreign language. I wondered what it was.)
Elmo: That’s tongues, bitch!
Me: Are you psychic?
Elmo: Among other things.
(Then, Elmo and the three enormous ladies did the dance from Waterfalls until the ladies got tired and went inside.)
Me: You forgot my lemonade.
Elmo: I forgot jack squat. The problem with you and all of your problems is that you’ve been coddled.
(He slapped me in the face.)
Elmo: You feel that?
Me: Clearly I did!
(Elmo began beating his chest like a caveman and howling.)
Elmo: Look inside your furriest cavity and the truth you will find is that you never even needed that lemonade.
(Elmo helped me out of the hammock.)
Me: You’re strong.
Elmo: Yes and also I have an impressive center of gravity. I’m going to put my penis inside those puffy ladies, but then - we drive on, listening to Dee Snyder’s secret acid jazz project.
Elmo: AMERICA! MY PENIS IS COVERED IN TINY SPIKES! AMERICA!